don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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