he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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