you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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