We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize