I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize