Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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