Can i not drive my cunt home
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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