mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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