She's JV to your varsity
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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