mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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