I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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