There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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