I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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