rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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