i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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