I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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