i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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