Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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