I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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