I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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