When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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