At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize