Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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