I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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