I wish I could teleport
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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