I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize