he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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