Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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