Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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