What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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