I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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