just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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