apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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