Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize