Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
being pregnant is like rehab
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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