There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There's even glitter on my cock...
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