It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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