There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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