You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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