Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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