it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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