the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize