five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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