the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
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There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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