Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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