In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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