dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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