Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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