Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize