i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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